I awoke very early this morning, pondering the actual fact that I am 42 today and how did this happen! I felt old in terms of numbers and questions began to fly around in my head like: did I visualise this is how my life would go? Sort of, yes…and sort of, no. Am I happy I asked myself? Often yes, and sometimes no. Do I feel and give love..? The answer was the same and probably will be the same for most of my questions to self. I know I deserve the life I have and I know I work hard and smart for it. I am truly 100% grateful for this gift of life that I have and I plan to continue making the best out of all of it, irrelevant of the content; I will churn it into honey.
Yesterday, my 82 year young grandma had a new hip replacement. She has been in and out of bodily repairs for the last few years. She teaches me what it is to be a strong, humble and a graceful warrior, I love her very much for it.
At 3am this morning she had a phone call to go to the hospital on her brand new crutches, fresh out of surgery herself. Her third youngest daughter, my Aunty, had died in the early hours. My grandma lost her youngest son, my uncle, last year to the same thing.
We may think that alcohol solves all our problems and is so much fun but I have grown up with and seen a very different reality. Alcohol is not your friend…If we need so much of it, it becomes a mask we wear to cover up a deeper truth which is calling to be surfaced yet gets pushed down in the name of: “it’s only fun.” Alcoholism is a disease. I believe what lays underneath the external reality of drinking too much alcohol too often is a huge void and that void is LOVE!
People do not know how to really give love or recieve it or believe they are often even worthy of it. People sabotage their possibilities of real love and this is happening subconsciously within our ancestral bones and psyches all of the time…it shows up in the small ways of: jealousy of others, “he said..she said…” Blame, anger, denial, disapproval, bitching, judging…basically anything that is point scoring which keeps people feeling: sad, lonely, unloved, depressed, isolated, able to say: “see I told you so.”
This is all stuff that keeps us small and victims of our own making.
Real love is probably one of the most difficult areas because society has us all thinking that we “get it” out-there. When the truth is the more you learn it comes from within, the more it can be experienced in life.
May you have love. May you be love. May you live with ease of heart and joy in your life. May you realise in this life, that you have been given a gift and the world does want you to shine. Find the people who reflect this back to you they are around, reflect it to yourself first.
May you learn to bend, not break and love every single birthday feeling you are your own super-hero.
This is a pose of gratitude, love and an offering of who I am from my heart.
With love from (as my Aunty would say) Wengalina
To my passed dad, uncle, Dave’s grandma and my Aunty on a day when the veils between the living and passed are thinnest.